


Pottery Barnes

by lokis_misunderstood_tears



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Brief mention of Sam Wilson, Brief mention of Scott Lang, Couches, Dialogue-Only, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Pottery Barn shopping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-05
Updated: 2016-06-05
Packaged: 2018-07-12 09:13:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7096291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lokis_misunderstood_tears/pseuds/lokis_misunderstood_tears
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes walk into a Pottery Barn to buy a new couch.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pottery Barnes

**Author's Note:**

> Started with a text to my sister that said "Pottery Barnes. omfg I have to write a fanfic about stucky in a pottery barn." I like puns.
> 
> Anyway, first story with only dialogue.

Steve: unbolded

**Bucky: bolded**

 

“What about this one?”

**“Are you fucking kidding me?”**

“What?”

**“It’s hideous!”**

“No, it’s not! It’s rustic.”

**“Oh, so if my arm rusted over it wouldn’t be hideous, it would be rustic?”**

“That’s not the definition of rustic.”

**“And yet this is the definition of hideous.”**

“Bucky, you aren’t being fair.”

**“How am I not being fair, Steve?”**

“You aren’t hearing out my choices.”

**“We have literally been here for five minutes and all you have done is point to this ugly ass couch. There have not been any choices to hear out.”**

“Well, you could help.”

**“Five minutes! I haven’t had time to help!”**

“Hm.”

**“Fine. What about this one?”**

“And you thought my couch was hideous?”

**“C’mon, it’s blue, like your pretty eyes.”**

“It’s also overstuffed. I’m afraid if I sit on it the buttons will pop out.”

**“Then don’t sit on it.”**

“Are you telling me not to sit on my own couch?”

**“Yes.”**

“Then what am I supposed to do with it, Buck?”

**“Admire it from our perfectly fine chair. Or, better yet, not buy a couch and be _perfectly fine_ with our _perfectly fine_ chair.”**

“What happens when we want to sit together? The chair isn’t strong enough for both of us.”

**“Oh, I think we’ve proven it is.”**

“Bucky! What about guests? Where would they sit?”

**“The chair.”**

“And we would…”

**“Also be sitting on the chair.”**

“Now you’re just being ridiculous.”

**“I can’t believe we’re having an argument in a fucking Pottery Barn.”**

“This isn’t an argument; it’s choosing a new couch.”

**“It sure feels like an argument. Why can’t we just ask Antsy to buy us one? Let him pick it out, too.”**

“His name is Scott. I’m not making him buy us a couch, it was an accident.”

**“An accident? Really?”**

“He was trying to help!”

**“By splitting the couch down the middle.”**

“He was trying to fix the uneven leg.”

**“And instead unscrewed the panel that kept the whole fucking couch from splitting in half when his ant ass practically jumped on it.”**

“Still, I don’t trust his taste in couches.”

**“And you trust your own?”**

“Rustic is a very trendy style.”

**“It reminds me of Canada. Aren’t you supposed to be Captain _America_?” **

“Jesus Christ.”

**“Watch your language, Captain.”**

“Bucky.”

**“I don’t want a dumbass Canadian couch in my home.”**

“It’s not a Canadian couch! It’s rustic.”

**“Say 'rustic' one more time and I’m going home.”**

“…what about something modern?”

**“Like something computerized?”**

“No, it’s another style. Like that couch right there. Clean lines, spare details, doesn’t take up too much space. Like this one.”

**“That one reminds me of Sam.”**

“What?”

**“Steve, c’mon. It’s practically a bird’s wing.”**

“Is that bad?”

**“I don’t want to think about our friend cradling us in his wing as we cuddle.”**

“I’m texting Sam what you just said.”

**“Ask him what couch we should get.”**

“He just texted back ‘lol. good luck’.”

**“What does that supposed to mean?”**

“Laugh out loud.”

**“Steve, I know that part. I’m 100, not a grandpa.”**

“Oh! What about this one?”

**“It’s bright orange.”**

“We could have it reupholstered.”

**“Reupholstered? Who the fuck are we? DIYers?”**

“We can pay someone to do it for us.”

**“Like hell we are.”**

“Bucky, we both have a more than decent income now.”

**“If we have to buy a new couch I want to buy one we don’t have to change.”**

“Bright orange isn’t so bad, really.”

**“Steve. Bright orange would offset the entire color scheme of our place. Our living room is in neutral tones; this would create an uneasy imbalance. We need a deep blue or dark brown.”**

“What?”

**“There was a “Property Brothers” marathon while you were in Cuba.”**

“That show with the cute twin?”

**“Yeah, Drew.”**

“What? No way, Jonathan is the cute one.”

**“Excuse you, have you seen his designs and flannels? Drew is a rugged artist. Apparently I have a type for those.”**

“You’re making me blush, Bucky.”

**“So, no bright orange. Drew would not approve.”**

“Fine. But you have to pick out the next option.”

**“There are no more options. We should just call it a day and go home to our chair.”**

“This is Pottery Barn; they have another row of couches.”

**“Don’t they also have meatballs?”**

“That’s Ikea.”

**“Oh, do you have something against the Swedish now? Why can’t we go there?”**

“Do you have something against the Canadians now? Why can’t we buy the rus-the Canadian couch?”

**“I just don’t think it would be good for your image.”**

“Who the hell will judge my image by our couch?”

**“Uh, the Property Brothers.”**

“Oh, you have Drew’s number so he can come over and judge our apartment?”

**“I wish.”**

“Bucky, I’m your loving boyfriend, right here.”

**“Steve, I’m your loving boyfriend, tired of couch shopping.”**

“We’ve been here for twenty minutes.”

**“Twenty minutes longer than I should be in a Pottery Barn. Couldn’t we have done this online?”**

“No, you have to see the couch in person to know if it will be good.”

**“Holy shit.”**

“I’m not being pretentious-it’s true.”

**“No, not that. Look at that couch.”**

“Holy shit.”

**“Yeah.”**

“That looks exactly like the couch your parents had. It’s perfect.”

**“Hey, Stevie. We can put the couch cushion on the floor like when we were kids. It’ll be fun. All you gotta do is shine my shoes, maybe take out the trash.”**

“I take out the trash anyway, jerk.”

**“And I love you for that. Now, let’s get the fuck out of Pottery Barn, please.”**

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my sister who encouraged me throughout the way. 
> 
> And to Drew, the cuter Property Brother.


End file.
